Lilium
by Neffie K
Summary: This takes place after the final episode. I do not want to spoil the plot so I shall not reveal more here. Basically it's a story after the fact based on my personal desires for the characters. It will be long running. LucyxKouta. Rated like the anime.
1. A Melody That I Knew

**Lilium** An Elfen Lied Fiction

**A/N: **This is one of my fave. anime out there. I truly think it is a masterpiece and I wish it could have lasted longer. We all have our own opinions about the ending, but this fic is based on what I would have liked to happen after the final episode. In a sense this is simply a dedication to all the E.L. fans out there. We should count with more fics, there's a lot to build upon from this series. This fic contains spoilers from the anime-- you have been warned. It begins at a time AFTER the final episode. And revolves around the Lucy and Kouta pairing, although it will start off as a Yuka and Kouta pairing. This will revolve around are Lucy, Kouta, Yuka, Nana, and Mayu. (But this is Lucy-centric) Enjoy and let me know what you think. This chapter shall not be too long, but the rest of them will be. Also, it is understood that they are speaking Japanese. But I will not write it in Japanese. Mostly because I don't know the language that fluently. **I do not own Elfen Lied.**

**Chapter One: **_A Melody That I Knew._

The sun was rising from behind the mountains and it broke through the thin curtains of the window. The sound of crashing waves against the rocks near shore was like a melody that mingled with the cries of the seagulls. The open window brought the breeze that carried the aroma of the turquoise sea and filled the small white room with memories that were faded like the waves. The lightness of the room contrasted heavily with her crimson hair as strands of the silky mane hung from the bed. The woman was sleeping peacefully. Her back to the mattress and her right arm spread out as one who had reached out for help. The left hand crossed over her breasts as it moved up and down with every breath. She had been there for months. Never truly waking from her drug-induced slumber and never quite remembering who she was. The horns that once pointed her out as a disclonius were now gone and she was left to fend for herself without her killer vectors. The doctors had found her with more holes than swiss cheese, all caused by merciless bullets. The people who were responsible for her death did not seem to care if their crime was exposed. They seemed to not care about the gory body they left behind near a beach in Japan. But _he_ did care; Dr. Toji Shikayami. He and his team of scientist recovered her lifeless body and worked for weeks to reconstruct what had been broken and destroyed. At first it seemed like a futile attempt, but their hard labor began to show signs of reward. The woman began to breathe against all odds. Her will to live stronger than anything. But there was still much to fix and so they kept her sedated most of the time so she would not feel the pain of the treatment to make her whole again.

The time was almost come; the treatment in its final phases. Toji was still uncertain whether she would respond well to the many chemicals and new, untested on human life solutions that rebuilt her to the beauty she once was. There were some alterations in her face, but for the most part she still remained the same as she had been before being shot to death. Her head was the least harmed, even if a bullet had broken her horn. The door opened and a man with his white doctor's coat walked in. Besides him a nurse with a metallic clipboard who looked upon the women with high expectations. According to Toji's calculations, the woman should awaken at any given moment. The nurse and doctor's attire seemed to glow with the brilliance of the room. Even the lights were white and it would hurt anyone's eyes when mingled with the burning rays of the sun. The woman who laid in bed began to turn, first her head and then her torso. Her fingers began to twitch in sign of life as her face twisted into a small frown. A soft groan escaped her now partially opened lips and then her eyes fluttered awake. Blinking several times, she turned her head towards the presences she felt besides her bed. Her eyes narrowed adjusting to the bright light and a smile formed on Toji's lip. His brown curls hung over his forehead making a perfect frame to his handsome face; he was beautiful in every sense. His hand reached out to take a hold of hers and he bent over to speak softly near her ear.

"Welcome back, Belle." he whispered.

"Belle?" she asked, her voice scratchy from lack of use.

"I needed to call you something."

"My name is..." she turned away, a throbbing pain in her head blinding her, "Nyuu."

Toji frowned, "Nyuu?" he asked looking over at the nurse, "Odd name."

A faint smile brushed her lips, "Yes. But it is a name that I... love."

Lucy remembered her identity perfectly well. But revealing her real name would only lead her to further trouble. The name Nyuu had been given to her by Kouta and it was a name she cherished. Nyuu never hurt or killed and Lucy wanted to forget how bloody her hands were and how many lives she had taken. The thoughts of the last hours of her life flashed through her mind and she was forced to shut her eyes, holding back tears the bullets did not allow her to shed. How could she even be alive? How could she even remember? The two strangers looked upon her as the scientist used to. As a creature that they desired to study and humiliate. Her glare was set over Toji who in his mind admired her with awe and wonder. He had brought back a woman to life, this was a major accomplishment in his career. Lucy could read the signs all over his face and she tried to sit up to perhaps run away. Every muscle ached and she whimpered a little, rather used to feeling pain. Toji helped her sit up and positioned pillows for her to lean on. Reluctantly, she leaned back and sighed.

"Where am I?"

"You are in Thailand." Toji answered.

"How did I get here?"

"I brought you here."

"Where did you find me?"

"In Japan." he sat on the edge of the bed, "You were dead and shot."

She grinned half-heartedly, "And I came back to life... how fantastic. Why didn't you let me die?"

Toji was a bit shocked at her reaction, most people would be thankful for being able to live, "Did you not want to live?"

Lucy shook her head, "I did what I had to do in this life." she paused, "I have no other purpose."

"I don't think that is true." he argued, "You would not have come to life if your destiny was accomplished."

"What the hell would you know?"

Toji smiled, "I know more than you think." he caressed her hair, "You were a disclonius, weren't you?"

Her eyes flashed in anger, "I am not a disclonius."

"Were." he specified again.

"Yes." she sighed, "I was a disclonius."

"Your horns show sign that they shall regrow." he said, "The roots are still there..."

"That's why I am better off dead."

"Do you have anyone in this world?"

She closed her eyes, a vision of Kouta creeping behind her eyelids, "Does it matter?"

"Why yes." he chuckled, "That way we can let them know of the wonderful news that you are alive."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I died so they could have peace... I am not going back to them. I am nothing more than a blemish. You must know I am a murderous creature... I have killed thousands and thousands without even blinking. You must know that I am a monster!" she yelled, clutching to the linens.

Toji stared at her, intrigued by her raw emotions, "Very well. You do not have to go back."

"Can't stay here."

He arched his brow, "Why not?"

"They will find me."

He shook his head, "No, no. They think you are dead. By now they probably believe the waves sucked you into the ocean."

"How long has it been?"

"Ten months."

She laughed, "And you think they are satisfied with believing my body washed away?"

"I can give you a new identity."

"Why would you help me?" she asked, not trusting him, "For all I know you're just like them. I'm nothing more than a subject in your lab."

"How dare you even compare me to them?"

She shrugged, "I don't trust you."

"Makaila, make sure you give her the booster shots." he said taking a stand, "I will come see you later. I must report your status in my files."

"Very well, doctor." the nurse nodded her head.

-------

Kouta looked at Yuka who sat opposite him as she admired the ring he had given her as a sign of their engagement. Yuka took the plates and passed them out to Nana and Mayu and then took Kouta's plate and served a second portion of the rice curry. His hands shook a little when his fingers brushed Yuka's soft skin. Her eyes seemed to glow like the moon and he felt a little guilty in his heart. It had been ten months since what Kouta knew in his heart to be Lucy's death. The woman who came to inform him this terrible news was from the military and she had been very clear in this explanation of Lucy's finale. The government needed to keep Kouta quiet and he was more than happy to not poke further in order to not expose Nana. Too many bullets for someone to survive especially if they were no longer protected by four vectors. They had all believed that night that they had eliminated all the disclonius' on the run and it was better that way. The base had also disappeared from the region because when Kouta made his way over to check the movement of the labs, all he found was ashes and rubble. No trace of life or anything left. He had been content, knowing the destruction was probably intentional and carefully meditated. As his thoughts ran freely he looked upon Yuka and realized that no matter how many years passed his passion for Lucy would never die. What he felt for Yuka was security, comfort, peace, and an unconditional devotion. He would give his life for her yes, but his heart did not belong to her. It belonged to the woman who gave her life to buy his peace. The woman who killed his father and his sister. The woman who sought to live to ask for his forgiveness; forgiveness he did not give and that now tormented him. His soul was lost and mourning for not being able to grant her the wish of forgiveness. Now it was too late. He did not even have a grave to visit. He did not even have a picture to stare at in the solitude of the night.

Yuka broke his thoughts with her mellow voice inquiring if there was something wrong with the food. He shook his head and smiled, using his chop sticks to devour the delicious meal. His stupid grin always fooled her into believing all was well, at least for a little while. They ate in silence, Nana occassionally glancing at Lucy's empty spot around the table, her eyes becoming watery. After everything was eaten, the women took the remains to the kitchen and proceeded with the clean-up labor. Kouta took this time to sit outside on the steps of the entrance. In his hands, the music box that meant so much to him. He had yet to reveal to Yuka why or who it reminded him of. It was better that she thought it was tied to the memory his sister. After all he kept the shell within the box. Likewise he had not told her that Lucy had been the one who killed his family and that he knew her to be his true childhood friend. A lazy finger traced the contour of the box. He bit his lower lip as his hand trembled when he opened the lid and the melody began to play. His heart became flooded with longing and a pain that left him truly breathless. The peace had been broken from his mind as he drowned himself in the sorrow of having lost his one true love. He did not care how much she had hurt him and disappointed him, or how she was not really a human like him. All he knew was that the pain from her loss promised to break him if he did not find a boat to take him away from the piercing memory of Lucy. It promised to consume his gentle heart and make it bitter and emotionless. He began to hum the tune, singing the lyrics in his mind, hearing her voice join in choir. His soul shattered. How could he have been so insanely blind? He loved her beyond his life, his own reason and he needed to see her again.

"Return to me..." he cried, bowing his head low, "Please..."

-----

_Return to me... Please..._

The words came to her like a cry in the middle of the night and mingled with the tune of her childhood. She opened her eyes, her heart aching and longing. It was his voice. The voice of the man she gave her life for and for whom she would gladly die again. His smile was burned onto the core of her mind and tears flowed when she realized she would never see him again.

"I am here..." she sobbed into the pillow, "But I cannot go to you."

**To be continued.**


	2. Nostalgic Breeze

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone who reviewed. It's the most I have ever gotten from a fanfic. It really encourages me to continue and to know that many of the fans were just was wanting in some KoutaxLucy as much as I was. I would like to take this time to say that college starts for me on Monday (for this reason, the chapters will maintain the word count of the first one), but this story shall be updated every two weeks if all goes as I planned. It takes time to write something in the manner I did the first chapter in, so I plan to take my time to deliver good stuff. I hope I continue to count with your support. I would also like to respond to the comment of the spelling of "disclonius"... I've seen it spelled both ways on sites. I think diclonius is the correct form, but for me it is easier to spell it as disclonius since that is how it is spelled in my subtitles. I hope you don't mind I continue to use that spelling. (But thanks for pointing that out.) I hope you enjoy the new installment. **NO EDITS HAVE BEEN MADE FOR ERRORS AND SUCH.**

**Chapter Two: **_Nostalgic Breeze_

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Elfen Lied.

The crescent moon hung over the dark blankets of the night as the cool breeze blew softly towards the west. The night was fading as the many stars twinkled in a sign that to Kouta meant hope. He was still sitting on the steps of the inn, a property that had now become their home. He did not know how long he had been sitting there with the musical box open in his hands, but his fingers were numb. Yuka had made sure that the girl's were fast asleep before joining her fiance at the steps. Her warm hand caressed his shoulder before wrapping her arms around his neck from behind as her lips brushed his cheeks softly. Kouta stiffened and then relaxed into the caressing as he allowed Yuka to shut the box for him. He certainly did not have the strength to do it on his own. Once satisfied with this, Yuka sat besides him clinging to his left arm and leaning her head on his shoulder. They had been sleeping in the same room, per Yuka's request but he had never been able to touch her beyond some innocent caresses. To him, sleeping in the same room was his way to convince Yuka that she was appreciated and that she was a woman any man could desire. In truth, everytime he closed his eyes and touched her he would see Lucy and he was afraid of making love to Yuka and calling out for the woman he truly loved. Women did not take that well and he did not want to hurt her. He especially did not want for anything to ruin the silent mourning he endured in loneliness. He needed to cry for Lucy and he did not want Yuka becoming jealous of a ghost.

"You miss her?"

Kouta blinked a few times but did not answer. "Nyuu, I mean."

"We all miss her."

Yuka sighed, squeezing his arm a little tighter, "I want you to love me Kouta."

The tone of her voice was so desperate that it broke Kouta's heart even further. No matter how much he tried, he could never come to love her the way she expected him to. One day, they would get married and he would have to tame his fears of slipping the incorrect name but right now he was not ready to be that man. The man who pretended to be madly in love and who demonstrated it in the bedroom. There was also a great sense of respect for Yuka. They were related and he had known her family and he felt guilty to even consider touching her in the manner he had longed to touch Lucy. He shuddered when her shy hand crept under his T-Shirt and ran over his bare back. Yuka had morals yes, but her desire for him far outweighed the reason of morality. In her jealousy she had asked him to touch her once, when Lucy was still alive and now that she no longer had to worry about Lucy's presence she wanted to show Kouta she could make him forget. Yuka whimpered into his ear as her free hand clutched to the front of his sweater's collar, she rubbed her chest against his arm and sighed heavily.

"Let me kiss away her memory." she whispered.

Kouta fumbled trying to calm her down, but in a pitiful attempt he ended up kissing her. He did not know how it happened. From struggling to get out of her possessive grasp to meeting her lips in a kiss that demanded his passion. She devoured his mouth as though she were famished, a contrast to their first subtle kiss. His arms wrapped around her, the pain in his chest unbearable. She pressed her body against his harder, more sensually and he lost all reason of who he held in his arms. She cupped his face and plunged her tongue into his mouth in an attempt to have him lust for her like she lusted for him in her many dreams. Kouta could smell _her_ scent and feel _her_ hair. He deepened the kiss further, his hands taking hold of her head pulling her closer. Kouta could hear _her_ voice from the last time they spoke, confessing her love for him. He smiled into the kiss, feeling his heart clutch to the memory of her lips over his. In his mind he was with Lucy. In his touch, he could feel her. The skin soft and reacting to him even with a simple stroke of his fingers. The feeling drove him mad. He stood up, pulling Yuka with him as he dragged her into the house, never breaking the ardent kiss. If he stayed quiet, if he only dreamed in his mind he would be able to do this. As long as he did not speak a name he would be fine. Yuka's needy hands pulled the sweater over his head as they broke the kiss for just long enough to accomplish this task. Kouta embraced her, crushing his chest against her as he pressed her on the wall. He was no longer willing to open his eyes as to not break the fantasy his body urgently needed to believe.

"I love you, Kouta." Yuka confessed breathlessly.

It was enough to break the spell of madness, enough to stop his wandering hands that ran up her skirt; she had killed the dream and hope. Kouta's eyes opened and he moved away from her, his palms planted firmly on the wall. He was panting, the passion cooling. Yuka frowned and cupped his face. She was concerned and disappointed. His face was losing the flush of just a few moments prior. Yuka knew she would once again sleep in her cold skin. Kouta smiled weakly and turned away from her, picking the sweater from where Yuka had dropped it. Yuka bit her lower lip in frustration, her whole body shaking with unquenched desire.

"I'm sorry." he whispered, "I just... I..."

"What?"

"I want to wait until we're married." he half lied.

"But, I told you. I don't care about that."

He turned abruptly, "But I do Yuka!"

"Do you really respect me that much?" she cried, "Or do you just... am I not pretty enough?"

He sighed, "You are so beautiful." he paused, "You are so special. Just wait a little longer. I value you too much to do this so carelessly. You... deserve better."

She smiled softly, needing to believe in his excuses, "Very well. But... can you still stay with me tonight?"

"Of course."

----

Lucy's body felt tired. That was the only feeling that kept her still in that small white room. A room that had been her home for ten months of a lost time. She laid in the bed, playing with a strand of her hair. It was not as long as it used to be, since she had cut it while she had been with Kouta, but it had grown to her mid-back. Her eyes were open as she stared at the ceiling but her vision was not drowned in the paleness on the paint. In her mind she envisioned herself walking along the shoreline, where Kouta had promptly found her years after their initial meeting. This time, no one was hunting her down. This time, she did not have to hide the horns that marked her as a murderous specimen. Lucy allowed her mind to be swallowed by her own desires and she kept walking along that shoreline. Her hair danced with the unknown song of the salty breeze and the sun was setting into the vast ocean. Her hands clutched to a seashell, similiar to the one she had broken for Kouta. Her world was no longer tainted with blood and her hands felt a clean she had never known. Her strides were short but firm as the water lapped at her feet with the swaying of the waves. Her eyes then caught onto a figure. It was a man and he walked in her direction. He sported a Hawai'ian shirt and khaki cargo pants. His feet were bare. Lucy stopped, allowing the long, white flowing dress to move at the wind's whim.

The man also seemed to take note of her, for he too stopped his movement. They both simply stood there, neither willing to move. But something within Lucy's heart beckoned her to walk forth. As her feet sunk into the moistened sand the man who caught her attention moved as well. Soon she was able to recognize his handsome face as that of Kouta and her heart skipped a beat and then exploded in her chest. The sensation tingled through her veins and spread throughtout her entire body until is hurt to be physically seperate from him any longer. She sprinted forth and as if Kouta could feel what she felt he too ran to her. The distance was still significant. It was still a good feet away from an embrace. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she realized that no matter how fast and constant she ran her arms would never encircle around him. It was like running on a treadmill, no power on Earth would close the gap between them. She clawed at the air, trying to break the invisible wall but nothing worked against it. Her lungs needed oxygen as she had held her breath in anticipation. When she finally gave up and fell to her knees, she could still see him running. He wanted to reach her just as badly but he just didn't realize that no matter what he did he would also never reach her. In reality Lucy whimpered, embracing her fluffy pillow against her breasts. She had been so absorbed in her cruel vision that she had not noticed the furious knocks on her door.

"What is it?" she called out, covering her face with the pillow.

"Were you sleeping?"

It was Toji. She sighed, "No. But I would like to sleep now."

"Are you having trouble sleeping?"

"Go away." she shouted.

Against her wishes he opened the door and walked in, shutting it behind him. The room was faintly illuminated by the lights outside the window. Toji was still dressed in his doctor attire and this time he sported rectangular reading glasses with black frames. Lucy lifted her head from the pillow and glared at him.

"What the hell is your problem?" she growled.

"You are not a very well mannered woman, are you?"

"Do I have to kiss the ground you walk on for saving me?" she scoffed, "I didn't ask for a hero. Get the hell out, or else."

"Or else what Lucy?"

Her eyes widened briefly before she turned her head away, "My name is Nyuu."

"Your real name is Lucy." he smiled, "I have a complete file about you."

She looked at him through her thick bangs, "I knew you were no different."

"Tell me_ Lucy_..." he said, approaching her, "What are you hiding from?"

She cackled, "I do not have to answer anything to you." she cocked her head to one side, revealing her beautiful eyes, "I could kill you right now if I wanted..."

He smirked, "With your vectors?"

Her eyes narrowed, "You underestimate me."

"What else can you do?" he asked, arching his brow, "I am stronger than you physically... how can you possibly-"

Lucy launched herself on him knocking him to the ground, face first. In one quick movement she twisted his arm back and held him against the floor as his arm twisted behind his back. She stomped a foot on his head and lowered her face close to his.

"I know how to bring anyone down." she hissed, "Do you want me to demonstrate how you properly crack a skull? Or will you leave me alone at once?"

He laughed despite the sharp pain, "You won't kill me."

She pressed her foot harder against his head, "Why would I not?"

"You don't want to be a murderer anymore."

She chuckled, "What makes you think I give a damn about that this late in my career?"

"I am a doctor." he reminded, "And I have a Ph. D. in Psychiatry, I know very well that you do not want to continue to kill. You have hurt many people... even people you _loved._"

She let him go and groaned, "You think you have me all figured out?"

"I know who they are." he said, getting up from the cold floor, "The people you are trying to protect."

"I have no love for anyone."

"You have killed so many."

"I have killed no one."

He fixed his shirt and coughed, "Tomorrow I am taking you out of here."

She did not respond. "Aren't you curious to know where I will be taking you?"

"No."

"You're going to be impossible to please."

"I do not need your favors." she paused, "And I will be on my own soon enough."

"And where will you go?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest, "You are in a foreign country, you have no money, you have no papers, you don't have anything."

"I never needed any of that."

"Oh yes. Back when you murdered people for a simply thing like food."

"Shut up!" she growled.

"I offer you a new life. A new identity. I even offer you a job. That way you won't feel like you owe me anything."

"What kind of job?" she asked sarcastically.

"Don't flatter yourself." he spat, "I need an assistant for when I travel giving medical conferences about my research. Someone who will coordinate interviews and handle my schedule. Someone who can travel without having attachments." he paused, to stare at her, "If you don't want to go back to your loved ones then you are the perfect one for this job."

"I'll think about it." she lied.

"Fair enough." he said, turning to leave, "I will look for you tomorrow morning. Sleep well."

He opened the door and walked out. She slammed the door behind him and walked upto the window. She poked her head out as it was already open and then she measured the distance from her story to the ground.

"Just great..." she mumbled.

From her calculations she was residing on the tenth story. She looked up and estimated another seven stories above her. Sighing she pulled her head back in and began to go ponder what she could do to get out of the place. Taking a deep breath she looked out the window again, only this time to examine her surroundings. The complex seemed to be important by the number of guards protecting the scientific fortress. It would be impossible for her to survive the fall, and then fight the guards; especially without her vectors. In the past years she had come to rely on her special ability far too much and she felt clumsy and rusty. Her hope now was to manage an escape in the morning, when he transported her out of the complex. Perhaps maybe she should let him think that she would accept his help. This way he would be more off guard and she could execute her escape. Lucy did not need anyone's help to survive.

"Then again... if he is actually talented at being a psychiatrist he will see right through my plans."

Beating her head over this was not going to help her, so she took the pillow and curled under the blankets. Tomorrow would be a new day for the thoughts of life and her body was demanding natural sleep. Her muscles still ached and her body wasn't as flexible as it used to be. Also, having tossled the muscular doctor without having exercised in months took a toll on her arms and back. Without even seeking it, sleep consumed her and took her to her fantasies. Where everything was perfect and cruelly unreal. The breeze raptured her skin as it slithered through the open window and she could almost taste his lips again.

"Kouta..." she whispered.

-----

**To be continued.**


	3. Perhaps

**A/N: **Wow, the stats for this story are impressive. I've never had such hits. -smiles- Thank you for those who took the time to review. Sorry for the long wait for updates. I'm going through a crisis right now and it's a miracle I can even update this now. But I felt inspired. I hope you enjoy it. It's short, but better than nothing. **No edits have been made for errors, spelling, grammar. (2/13/06)**

**Chapter Three: **_Perhaps_

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Elfen Lied.

Lucy had not managed any sleep. The faint dark circle around her crimson colored eyes were evidence of this. All night she had pondered what to do, standing besides the window and gazing out into the horizon. The melodic rhythm of the waves soothed her troubled mind. When the sun arose from behind the mountains she was still resting her weight against the window cill. The door to her room opened, intruding her still undecided thoughts. Toji walked in, dressed casually with a change of clothing crossed against his chest. Lucy did not look at him and simply kept staring at the ocean. Toji sighed softly as his footsteps echoed through the half empty room. His hand stretched out towards her, clothing hanging from his fingers. Lucy took them, her eyes still not meeting his.

"We will be going in half an hour." he stated.

Lucy neither nodded, nor shook her head. Toji turned around and began to make his way back to the door. His hand wrapped around the cold steel of the door knob but he never twisted the knob open. His thoughts were racing in his mind. Toji had spent so much of his own money to save Lucy's life. He played against the orders of the research organization he belonged to in order to bring her back to life. Toji had even broken up with his fiancee to be in the labs twenty-four, seven. He had invested and lost so much money. A louder sigh escaped his lips. It had not been easy to bring her body to Thailand in the first place; he had broken many laws to do so. Toji knew no obstacle, yet the object of his troubles did not seem to care. She seemed to hate him for bringing her back to life.

"Lucy..." he whispered.

She had sensed his unease and had shrugged the pity for him aside. There was no room to allow her heart to flourish anymore. Not now, not ever. Her eyes moved from the curling waves in the distance to the man who had saved her. His back was to her and she was able to catch her name rolling off of his tongue so faintly. _I am more tired than you doctor. I did not wish this. You brought my soul back into this cursed body. You are damned too._ No room for pity. Her eyes then fell to the clothing in her left hand. The neat folds and the fresh smell of lavender. _What do you expect from me? I have given you what you wanted. Proof that your years of research were not lost in vain. I cannot offer you my gratitude. _Perhaps she was harsh in her manner of thinking, but she knew no other way to feel.

"Perhaps," he spoke, "you can forget. Just like I have forgotten everything."

_Everything? What is everything, doctor? I was the one who had died in peace with myself. Now I am once again a stain walking on the land. A reminder of my shadow._ He turned to her, his eyes never betraying his own shaky emotions. Lucy locked her eyes to his and even if he hid it, she knew he was just as lonely as her. _I see. I was the price you paid._ She removed herself from the window cill and placed the clothing on the bed. _Perhaps I can stay with you a little while. Until you regain some of what you lost... not that I am in debt to you._ He watched her begin to slid her blouse off, her back to him and slipped out of the room quickly and quietly. _You will come to hate me. Like everyone else._

----------

Kouta and Yuka walked hand in hand. The woman carried a picnic basket. They padded over the green grass as they searched for a quiet place to have their lunch. They had slept in each other's arms as two siblings would the night prior. Yet Yuka did not complain; she had faith he would come around to loving her someday. They were a month and a half away from marrying and her heart grew at the thought. Being his wife would mean he would no longer be afraid to disrespect the vow he had made to her father. It warmed her thoughts to believe that was the only reason why Kouta had never made love to her before. They found a spot beneath an old willow tree. Yuka set the trademark red and white squared blanket out, sitting down with the basket in her laps. Kouta followed her example and closed his eyes to hear the bird's chirp.

"It's such a beautiful day, Kouta-kun."

He nodded, a smile gracing his handsome face, "Yuka... have you ever wanted to fly?"

Yuka giggled, "You're talking no sense again."

"I'm serious."

"Perhaps." she stared at his profile, "When I was little."

"To where?"

"To you."

He looked at her, "Why?"

"I have always loved you."

His smile disappeared, "Yuka..."

"Don't say anything." she looked away, smiling softly, "I know you don't feel the same way."

"But I do love you."

She smiled and began to rummage through the basket, trying to fight back tears, "How about we have our dessert first?"

"Very unlike you." he teased.

"I'm changing slowly."

_Don't change for my sake, Yuka. It's pointless. _He watched her set the dessert down on the blanket and his heart wrinkled so tightly, he could not even breathe. If he could not truly love her than perhaps he should pretend. She deserved to be loved and he had no one else to give his affection to. His heart had died with Lucy; he would never love another. He took her hand and startled her. With his free hand he cupped her cheek and drew her closer to his face.

"Yuka. You're so good to me." he whispered, his lips brushing hers.

"Kouta... kiss me." she begged.

His hand slid behind her neck as he pulled her to meet his lips. She took over the session, snaking her tongue into his mouth as if trying to memorize every cavity within. She tasted him and heat began to pool between her legs as her cheeks flushed with sign of desire. He allowed her to kiss him, returning each stroke of her tongue with his own attempting to lose himself in her mouth and in her passion. A soft breeze began to blow as she pushed him down with her body, pinning him to the ground. Breaking the kiss her hands wandered beneath his shirt, caressing every muscle of his chest. _Love her. Even if it's only an act. Make her believe you want her._ Yuka moaned softly, feeling the heat within her rise; a desire that needed to be quenched.

"Take me Kouta." she whispered in his ear, as she nibbled the delicate ear lobe softly.

"Not yet."

Yuka was panting, aroused by having touched him and having felt his muscles tense beneath her sensual caressing. She licked his lips and kissed him once again. Kouta wrapped his arms around her neck crushing her body against his. Yuka rubbed herself against his pelvis and he gasped into her kiss. She had never been so bold. _Perhaps if I imagine it's..._

"Lucy..." he breathed into her mouth.

Yuka broke away violently, biting her lower lip in frustration. "Did she excite you like this too?"

He blinked, awaking from his fantasy, "What?"

"Did she excite you like this!" she shouted.

"We never did anything." he sat up, frowning at her reaction.

Her whole body trembled with controlled rage, "Let's eat."

"Yuka... please."

"Don't." she interrupted, "Let's forget about it..."

--------

A maroon business skirt and matching coat over a white silk blouse fashioned Lucy's body. Her eyes looked down at herself and she felt odd dressed in such attire. When staying with Kouta she wore the most mismatched outfits. A smile appeared on her lips. _Kouta would never recognize me._ She had lied to herself in order to be able to accept the new identity that Toji had given her. Lucy stared at the open folder on the bed. A passport, birth certificate, identifications, and any document she would ever need to confirm her identity was there. Her new name was Nyle Aishitori. Right now she did not need to hide the horns Toji had said would eventually grow back and for that she was grateful. Lucy had been tempted to cut her hair again, but decided against it. In the end she took a ribbon and tied her long hair in a bun, pinning even her bangs back. This made her look different and somehow older. She sighed. There was still something missing in her look.

"Very nice." Toji commented, walking into the bedroom.

"I suppose." she said, "I'm missing something."

"Clothes, shoes, hair, body, mind." he teased, "What else do you need?"

She stared at him, not amused in the least, "Glasses."

"Ah, you wish to dispel the intellectual look."

"Perhaps."

"We can buy some on our way to work."

"Work?" she asked, "You have yet to explain this situation to me."

Toji nodded his head, "I'm hiring you as my personal assistant. You will be in charge of making, breaking my appointments. Of taking notes for me. Like a secretary." he paused, "Right now I have to report myself to the laboratory I work for."

"You work for a lab? Don't you own this place?"

He smiled, "This is kind of a clandestine laboratory... I mean, it's official and legal but no one knows the true purpose it serves. I founded it, but I have associates."

"I see. And I was one of those clandestine operations?"

"Yes." he admitted, "My associates support my research. Most of them are government officials who keep inspections away from here. They are as interested as I am, in this project so they want to keep it a secret."

"And this other work?" she said, "The lab we're going to?"

"H.A.S -- it's a very old, yet secret organization. We're supported by many countries. We all work to find cures to the illnesses that are killing millions; cancer, AIDS, among others. We also work on trying to find ways to control those rare illnesses that could be the next major outbreak." he looked at her, "Right now, I'm concerned with the bird flu virus."

"What does H.A.S stand for?" Lucy asked, extremely interested in his words.

"Human Action Science. Don't ask, I never understood the meaning." he said shrugging his broad shoulders, "We're going to meet with the president, Dr. Yukari Sakamoto. I have been absent for months and I need to reincorporate myself."

Lucy nodded, "I suspect anything else I should know about myself is in that folder?"

He nodded, "Come now. The driver is waiting for us. After the meeting, we'll probably be sent on a trip to check up on the Asian H.A.S facilities and progress."

Lucy followed Toji out of the room and into the bright white hallways. She wondered where these facilities were located and she refused to stay curious so she asked him. "China, Phillippines, Indonesia, Taiwan, South Korea..." he said, "And Japan."

_Japan..._

--------

**TO BE CONTINUED.**


	4. Illusions

**A/N: **This will be the last update I make before moving to Florida. Thanks to everyone who continues to support my story. Shall update as soon as it's possible to me.

**No edits have been made for errors, spelling, grammar. **2/28/06

**Chapter Four: **_Illusions_

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Elfen Lied.

The day was as bright as any. The summer breeze brushed gently against the blossoms. Kouta walked with his hands in his trouser's pockets, eyes almost closed as he enjoyed the feel of the sun that gave light to a world he believed to be in darkness. His chest rose with every breath and he counted each intake in his head as if trying to keep his mind occupied. The date of his wedding ceremony with Yuka inched closer and he felt restless and unsure he would be able to accomplish making her happy. His steps were silent over the pavement and he now did not see where he walked. His eyes were shut against his will but he allowed himself the luxury since he knew the way very well. Kouta did not know how long he had walked yet still he kept his pace. Opening his eyes to cross the street and observe he was still within the city limits. His legs were sore from lack of such exercise and it was not until a hand pulled his own that he stopped. He spun on his heel and yanked his hand away in reflex, his eyes falling on an old woman. Her silver hair seemed to glow in reflection to the rays of the sun as it cascaded in ruffled curls. Her eyes smiled and carried wisdom with them. Her wrinkled face was a contrast to her ageless hands. Kouta blinked a few times at he gazed at her attire. She looked like a gypsy, dressed all in black. Loud beaded necklaces adorned her small frame. Her sandals were worn out and she seemed to produce melody with so much jewelry upon each of her breaths.

"Kouta." she addressed him, with a quiet voice.

His eyes widened in disbelief, "How do you know my name?"

She smiled, "I know many things about you."

Her accent was deep, he could tell she was not Japanese and this made him even more anxious. He had never met the woman and yet she seemed to keep true to her promise of knowing him. He took a step back, "I have no business with you."

She watched him turn and walk away and her smile only broadened, "She is alive."

He stopped, his heart pounding in pain against his chest, "I don't know what you're talking about lady."

The woman walked upto him, capturing his wrist and flipping his hand over. She traced the lines of his palm and frowned, "You were marked by death. Once. Long ago. Twice. Just recently and much to your regret."

He simply stared at her in shocked silence. The woman pulled his palm closer to her eyes, "You are torn between two sentiments." she continued, prophetically, "Both of these women have much to offer you."

"Only one of them is dead." he admitted softly.

"Did you see her body?"

"What?"

"Did you see her body?" the woman arched her non-existant brow, "Because my eyes do not see her death... she is alive."

He yanked his hand away, "Stop it." he commanded, "Stop toying with my emotions."

"You never felt her detachment from your soul. The pain you feel is nothing but that of longing. You know deep down that she is alive but you refuse to believe it." she narrowed her eyes, "Because you're a coward. Your current situation is comfortable. It is simple for you to accept her death rather than the reality of her existance. It suits your peace of mind."

Kouta glared at her, anger rising from within his stomach, "You have no right to speak this way of me."

"She was right to not want to return to you." she said, "You do not deserve her boundless love."

"Silence!" he shouted, "I do not believe a word out of your mouth. You're nothing but a fraud."

"The woman killed your father..." the old woman paused, as if gathering the pieces to a puzzle, "... and she also killed your sister. Who else knows of this?"

He was silenced by her knowledge and the woman smiled in satisfaction. "When you change your mind... seek me. I will help you find her. Only when your heart is liberated from the fear that binds it."

A card was placed in his hands and the old woman walked away from him with slow but sure strides. Kouta could do nothing more than stare after her, clutching the card in his hand. He immediately postioned his fingers to shred the card, but something in his heart tugged him to simply place the card in his pocket. When he turned back to woman's retreating back, he saw no one. He whirled around, eyes darting in every possible direction but nowhere in sight was the old gypsy woman. Yet the card in his pocket was proof that she was not an illusion. Deep down he began to ponder if what the woman revealed held any bit of truth.

-----

The headquarters of H.A.S looked like any other and much like that of a hospital. Lucy estimated the structure to be about twenty stories high. Now that she stood before the main entrance, standing besides Toji she wondered if she could truly embrace this new life. Her head had begun to hurt during the hour long automobile ride to the facility. The pain was located where her horns once erected out from and she gently rubbed the area with the tip of her fingers. Out of the corner of his eye, Toji caught her every move and knew that the growth of her horns had already begun. Lucy stared at the entrance wondering what they were waiting for, a question that was soon answered by the woman that emerged from the facility. Toji sighed softly at the sight of the woman he had been engaged to. Amelle was an American intern whom he had met in the United States five years prior. She had attented one of his conferences and had been moved to become a genetist. He had encountered her several times since the University she had enrolled in had close ties with H.A.S. A romance soon bloomed between them and her brilliance won her an internship in the Thailand headquarters two years prior. Now she stood before him, at the end of her internship, her dark blonde hair tied back into a pony tail; she looked upon him as his equal. Her green eyes full of coldness towards him and a silent anger against the man who had broken her heart. She was dressed like any doctor would, sporting the same white coat to set her apart from the other interns of different majors.

"Doctor." she spoke, looking Lucy over, "Dr. Sakamoto is ready to see you."

"Amelle, I would like you to meet my assistant... Nyle Aishitori." he said, bowing his head.

Amelle looked at Lucy with one arched brow, "Pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise." Lucy replied, noticing the tension between her boss and the woman.

Amelle turned her attention back to Toji, "Dr. Sakamoto wishes to see you privately." she specified, "Ms. Aishitori can wait in the west wing's lobby."

Toji looked at Lucy, "Is that fine with you?"

Lucy nodded, "I can even stay here. It seems much _warmer_ outside."

"I insist that you come inside." he smiled, pushing her gently through the automatic sliding doors, "There are several people I want to introduce you to later."

Amelle followed the two, rolling her eyes, jealousy quickly sparking within her. "Doctor, you can go ahead, I shall direct Ms. Aishitori to the West Wing."

Toji nodded, "I will be with you shortly, Nyle."

Lucy watched as he disappeared into the never ending hallway of the eatern wing and allowed herself to be led by Amelle. The facility's first floor was welcoming in style. Almost too welcoming for Lucy's taste. It reminded her of a luxury hotel that tried to sell the image of home cozy and comfort to the clients. The west wing's lobby was a circular room with comfortable recliners and magazines in the center. The walls were large plexiglasses that allowed the waiters an enchanting view to the outside gardens. Lucy stared up at the ceiling that seemed to reach the twentieth floor itself. Amelle looked at her with utmost attention.

"How long have you been working with him?" she asked.

Lucy's eyes met hers, "Why do you wish to know?"

Amelle glared at her, "You're the other woman, aren't you?"

Lucy sneered, "I see that I was not wrong in my gut's feeling... you are the woman he loved."

"Loved?" she chuckled, "Do you think he has fallen in love with you?"

"I have no need to explain my life to you." Lucy stated coolly, "Or to anyone. To me you all are the same. Cold, ruthless, and egotistic."

"What are you talking about?"

Lucy pointed at Amelle's outfit, "You're a doctor. Aren't you?"

"Not yet."

"Right now you'd do just about anything to be part of a ground-breaking research." Lucy said through clenched teeth, "No matter who suffers."

Amelle smirked, "I am already part of one." she admitted proudly, "I am working with the leading genetists of Asia on the diclonius' issue."

Lucy looked away in disgust, "You're trash..." she whispered.

"Impressed?"

Lucy smiled, "Not in the least. Diclonius are not impressive human beings."

"They're not humans." Amelle said, "They're monsters."

Lucy laughed and walked closer to the woman, "Tell me... have you ever seen one?"

Amelle shook her head, "The reasons why are classified."

"The main diclonius' were located in Japan and that facility was destroyed... along with the controlled diclonius'." Lucy said.

"How did you know?" Amelle whispered.

Lucy did not answer her and simply took a seat and grabbed the first magazine she saw. Amelle stared at her with anger and frustration. She was certain that Lucy was the one who caused the rift between Toji and herself; on one level, she was right.

----

The office was enormous and barely illuminated by artificial light. The blinds were shut. In the inmensity of the octagonal room sat a woman behind a half- sphere shaped desk. Her hair was wrapped in a tight bun, her rectangular glasses framming her almond-shaped eyes. Her hands were clasped together and her chin rested over them. Her eyes were fixed on Toji who was prepared to lie through his teeth. He took a seat in front of her desk and leaned back into the comfort of the leather padding. She did not move from her position.

"Good to see you." she broke through the thin silence.

"Ditto."

"I have known you how long Toji?"

He chuckled, "About twenty years. You knew my father well."

"I know you just as well."

"So you keep saying."

"What have you been doing?"

"Some side research."

"You have been absent without official leave for almost a year Toji." she said, "Do you know how hard it was for me to cover you? The sponsors were asking me questions. A lot of money was invested for your team's work in the creation of the bird flu vaccine and that other little illness that can well be the next outbreak."

"I appreciate your cover."

"That is all you have to say to me?"

"Pretty much. I'm here to make it upto you. It will never happen again."

"Usually I don't meddle with your laboratory." she said, sliding a file across to him, "But this time I had to know if it was worth risking my seat for you."

Toji flipped the file open and smiled cheaply, "So you found out my little secret."

"Where is the diclonius?" she asked, arching her brow.

He read over the sheets, making sure that he would not lie about what was stated on the sheets, "She died." he lied, "I couldn't do it."

"Where is her body?"

"I sent it back to Japan. You'll find no records of it, I made certain of it."

"It pains me to have to do this... but I need to shut up some people above me." she said, leaning against her chair, "I want you to return the favor-- I want her body back. I am going to present it as a gift to the diclonius research team."

Toji sighed, "I can't do that. She was taken back to the facility in Japan... they will not give her back to me."

"You're lying."

"Yukari..."

"That facility was destroyed Toji." she said, "Where is her body?"

"I'll get it for you." he said, "I don't want to be followed though."

"Not in my hands anymore, Toji." she sighed, "If you only had told me this I would have given you an alibi... you were wreckless. You're lucky they're allowing you to stay."

"Does Amelle know?"

Yukari shook her head, "She's an intern. Not a member of our organization."

Toji sighed again, "My associates are not going to be happy with this."

"Well now... neither are mines at the moment. You signed a contract with H.A.S remember? You don't meddle in research projects of our organization on your own. You know how important this diclonius research is..."

"You want to start breeding them and saving them in bubbles... who the hell is behind all this?"

"Powerful people, Toji." she hissed, "It's not our job to ponder our orders. We're not being paid for that."

"For the record... what happens if I fail to make this delivery?"

"Your contract will be _terminated._" she paused, "And you know exactly what that means."

"Of course, I saw it happen to my father."

"You get that wrecklessness from him."

He half smiled, "I'll see you soon, Yukari."

------

Yuka finished setting the table. They would have lunch alone since the girl's were at the library working on a paper for school. Kouta was in the shower after coming home from one of his walks; a new hobby that he had taken upon Lucy's death. Yuka went into Kouta's room, with an empty basket in hand as she did every day. She rummaged through his dirty laundry and threw the items into the plastic basket for washing later that evening. She shook her head upon seeing the change of clothes he had worn for his walk scattered on the floor. Setting the basket down she knelt down to inspect his pockets making sure no money was on its way to the washing machine. Inserting her hand in one pocket she found the items. Money, some spare change, and an empty gum wrapper. Yuka laughed. Kouta was so absent minded. She checked the other pocket and withdrew the card the gypsy woman had given him earlier. Yuka frowned as she read the text on the card.

"A fortune teller..." she whispered.

She shrugged and tucked the items into her apron and proceeded to taking the load to the washing machine and get an early start on his laundry. Following the proper steps, she dumped the clothing into the washer and set the cycle. Kouta's voice rang through the inn announcing he had stepped out of the shower and was ready for lunch. Yuka smiled and dashed to the kitchen bringing out the food and serving them in the proper plates and bowls. As Kouta walked into his room, towel drying his hair he immediately looked at the missing apparel on the floor. His panic was instant and he dashed out of the bedroom calling out for Yuka in a distressed manner.

"What is it Kouta?" she yelled.

"Where are my clothes?"

"In the washer..."

Kouta directed his steps to the washer and opened the lid, frantically looking for the pants he had sported in the morning. Yuka watched him amused and dug out the money he had left in the pants.

"You shouldn't leave so much money in your pockets like that." she teased.

His eyes flew to hers, "Where's the rest of it?"

"No more money than this." she frowned.

"The other items!" he shouted, "Where are the-"

She drew out the busines card, "You mean this?"

Kouta sighed in relief, "I thought you had washed it with my pants."

Yuka stared at the card, then at the money, then at Kouta, "I thought the money was more important."

He walked upto her and took the card, taking relief she had retrieved it. "Thank you." he said and kissed her cheek.

"I didn't know you went to fortune tellers." she teased, nudging him.

"I don't."

"So why were you so worried about the card?"

"I met this woman on the street... she freaked me out."

"Her predictions were accurate?"

"Some of them." he whispered, "Others were bogus."

Yuka felt curious and tempted to visit this woman herself. Obviously Kouta had believed a great deal about the woman if he had been so afraid to lose the card. She smiled and clung to his arm dragging him along. She would have to sneak a peek at the address on the card at a later time in order to pay a visit to the fortune teller. There were many things she wanted to know.

"Lunch is served." she said, hiding her plans behind her innocent smile.

------

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	5. A Glimpse Of You

**A/N: **I have to thank everyone for their kind words. Hopefully you will continue to read my chapters when I update them. I am not in Florida, but not yet settled into my apartment. That may happen soon, so thank you for being patient.

**No edits have been made for spelling, or grammer. I will probably edit all of these errors when I am at the tenth chapter. **4/24/06

**Chapter Five:** _A glimpse of You_

Yuka stood before the old home clutching onto her purse as if her life depended on it. The piece of yellow paper in her hand indicated that this indeed was the address of the mysterious fortune-teller Kouta had encountered one week prior. The sun's ardent rays did not seem to affect the rusty steel gates. In fact, as Yuka touched them a chill ran straight through her heart. The day was cloudy and warm, but everything about this entrance cooled her mercilessly. It was almost like stepping into another dimension where the air was frigid. Still, she was determined to see the woman and have her own fortune read-- or at any rate question her about Kouta's future. An impulse ran through her hand, like a possession of sorts, but before she could push the gate ajar the metal moved on its own. Enough space for her to fit, yet not a wide enough stretch to scare her away in pretense of magical powers opening the gate for her. Yet Yuka still did not like the quiet invitation.

Squeezing through the gap she went inside. The garden that greeted her was not what anyone would consider beautiful, but it held a mystic charm. Everything was overgrown and unkept. Like a forest in the middle of Tokyo. Indeed she felt transported elsewhere. The icy sensation from the gate faded with each step she took closer to the two-story home's entrance. The place looked very much like the Western construction of a Victorian estate. Yuka only recognized it upon a distant memory of an old American movie. The white paint was tainted to appear as a dirty gray and the wood was not in its best condition. An old and worn sign stating the business' name convinced Yuka that this home or sorts was not an illusion. The house was small in comparison to the house she remembered in the movie. Her footsteps caused the wood to make cracking sounds, alerting anyone with good hearing of her arrival.

"Make haste..."

Yuka stopped dead in her tracks upon hearing a woman's voice. "Come, child. I have been waiting for you."

Yuka's hand trembled as she reached out for the door knob. Suddenly she was not sure she had made the right choice of coming to see this psychic. The door opened once again before she even touched it, only this time it was a very wide gap. Nothing could be seen within the house-- no lights, no sound-- nothing but absolute and utter nothingness.

"Come closer. I cannot see your pretty face. The light is blinding my eyes."

Reluctantly, Yuka stepped in, door closing behind her with a soft thud. The tremble from her hand transferred to her whole body as she shook with fear.

"Would some light help you feel safer?" she asked cryptically.

Yuka nodded her head in the darkness, "Who... are you?"

A match was heard and a candle was lit. Yuka stared at the pale flame that was like a tiny boat to the eyes of an airplane pilot thousands of feet above. Yet she was comforted by the flame and moved closer to it. "What is this place?"

"That is not the question you wish to ask me." came the reply.

_I don't like this... it's too strange... I shouldn't have come here._

"You should have thought about that before." the woman chuckled lightly, "Now you are here and you have started to waste my time-- I suggest you use this session wisely."

"How did you-"

"I am psychic. I can read your mind... I know your future as well as I know your thoughts." she declared, "You I have seen since before meeting your love. You keep haunting my dreams... I wish you begone."

"What do you mean?" she shivered, "How do you know so much?"

"It is an art... my dear. A talent I have mastered and that is foreign to your land." she sighed, "They have seers, but their powers pale in comparison to mine."

"Why do you--"

"Hide?" she interrupted, "I suppose I can ask you an equally personal question: Why do you fight against the truth that you behold?"

_What truth?_

"He does not love you."

"Show me your face!" Yuka demanded.

The psychic's cackle echoed through the darkness, like a taunting of cursed spirits, "You do not need to meet me child. My voice shall be enough to break through you. When the day is come you will be haunted by this memory and you will chose whether to die or whether to live."

Yuka began to walk towards the entrance but soon found herself lost in the absolute darkness of the room, "I want to be out."

"Only when you admit the truth to yourself-- only then will you truly be free..."

-----

"Where are we going?"

The car ride was smooth and comfortable. The engine was completely silent. Not even the bumps from the street could be felt within the luxury vehicle. The sun was setting and the moon was growing brighter. The day was ending and with it the hope of a new beginning. The night always meant the end of something that could have been or had been beautiful. The night was made for reflection and restoration of the body. Lucy had bittersweet memories of the time. One night she killed many, many people-- including Kouta's family. On another night, many years after she asked for his forgiveness. A wish that he had not granted to her. He would never forgive her and those words shattered what little of her heart she had left. However he gave her something else. A kiss and a declaration of love-- two things she would treasure forever. She could never truly savor this love he confessed, but knowing it was there was enough. Or at least it had been there when they last met. A sigh broke the still silence; it came from Toji.

"We have to run for a while, Lucy." he whispered.

"Why is that?"

"I know I promised you a new beginning-- and on my life, you will have it but right now," he paused to glance at her, "we must run a mile..."

A sad smile graced her face, "They know about me, don't they?"

Toji's eye moved back to the road, "Indeed."

"I don't know why I thought I could start over... it was foolish of me to..." she paused, looking for the right term, "It was foolish of me to have... hope."

"Without hope we are nothing." he smiled.

"Why do you risk so much?" she questioned, "Do you ambition this knowledge so badly?"

Toji closed his eyes for a few seconds, "I wish to continue a legacy."

"Legacy?"

"My father was killed for this research. And I don't want his death to be in vain. Do you understand what it means to make someone's effort valid-- even though they are no longer living?"

Lucy rested her forehead on the window, "You can turn me over to them. I didn't ask you to not betray me."

"I am a man of my word."

"You knew this would cause you trouble."

He laughed, "No. I thought I could get away with it."

"You're stupid then." she sighed, "They know everything."

"Tell me... are you the only one left from where you come?"

Lucy arched her brow, "Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Why do you ask me?"

Toji glanced at her again, "They only need a body... it doesn't have to be yours."

"You're asking me to betray someone-- if there was someone-- to save our lives?" she asked.

"Is this wrong to you?"

"Perhaps if you would have offered this at some earlier time-- it would be fine. I didn't care much about other's lives." she paused, "At any rate, there's no one left aside me-- that I know of."

Toji sensed there was more to this, but decided not to press her further. "We are going back to Japan."

Lucy's hands twitched, "You said we would never-"

"Listen to me." he commanded, "The remains of a diclonius are there. They are expecting me to give them a call from Tokyo. If they see that I am trying to retrieve the body they will let us be... until I can... rebuild her."

"You never told me of this..." she said, visibly affected, "The remains of..."

"She had nothing to do with the lab you were in." he explained.

"Just how many labs were there?"

"I thought you knew."

She had been asleep for many years in that laboratory, so not everything about them was known to her. In her mind that had been the headquarters and there was nothing else to it. Instantly her distrust for Toji returned. As far as she was concerned he could be leading her to a deadly trap. Why had she believed him until now? That he was really concerned to not hand her over. One thing was not caring about her life-- but another was going back to the laboratory to be tested and poked to become a killer and a breeding instrument. Her anger was not expressed on her face-- her expression was void of any emotion. Lucy had become good at this and she knew she could play this game long enough to escape.

"No, I didn't." she stated finally, "Very well. We will go to Tokyo... I.. trust you."

Toji looked at her. Had she just claimed to trust him? His heart felt something warm upon her declaration, yet he tried not to dwell too much on the sentiment. He wanted her to depend on him like she had when she was still in a state of death. There he had complete control over her life and she had allowed him to restore her. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, there was something she was willing to live for and he wanted so much to discover her reason. Even if it disturbed him to think it was for another man. _What man could this be? She was dormid in that place for years. Certainly there has been no one in her life... I shouldn't worry about this._

"Thank you." he smiled, "Those words do mean a lot, dear."

Lucy looked away from him, trying to hide the distrust that her gestures would betray. Everything was just too suspicious and she wasn't about to allow them to return her to the laboratory. If she had been brought back to life she would not return to killing innocent people. Kouta had said that if she did this he could forever live with regret. After all, it was him who she asked to kill her should she lose control of herself. Ever since she awoke, she had not transformed back into the woman Kouta had named Nyuu. The same woman that she was-- only she was oblivious to the darker past she carried. Trying to surpress the feelings that nestled in her stomach, Lucy pressed the little button that rolled down her window.

Closing her eyes she drowned in the wind and tried to hard to pretend the tresses of her hair were being played with by Kouta's fingers. She had promised never to kill again and her love for him would fight for this cause. It wasn't as if she truly enjoyed the act of brutally murdering people who never wronged her. Yes, she was a filthy woman-- because whenever she killed those from the laboratory or the military she felt wonderfully avenged. Was it wrong for her to feel this way? The wind played many roles; not only could she dream its caress was Kouta's touch, but she also pretended it played their melody.

"Lilium..." she whispered, with a smile over her lips.

Toji was observing her the whole time out of the corner of his eyes and he took note of the name she uttered with such joy and fondness. It rang a bell in his head-- of a song perhaps. Putting the name aside, he decided to also enjoy the cool breeze that came through the passenger's window. He wanted so much to know what her thoughts were whenever she smiled that way. It was such a beautiful gesture. He couldn't help feel pride that he had brought this beautiful being back to life with his intellect and wisdom. All his years at school and all the years of research had paid off every single moment she took a breath of life's air.

Was he falling in love with the subject of his conquest? He had lost meaning of what love was when he lost his fiancee. Yet in this woman he felt something rare-- something he had never felt before. A sense that he had to protect her and that he owed her a life free from all the torment she had known. He had this responsibility since he brought her back to life. It was his selfish desire to achieve the task what had caused this woman to come back to a world she did not desire to return to. For that purpose he had to protect her at whatever cost. Even if it meant his own life.

-----

Yuka ran through the streets, having left the psychic's house in a rush. The taunting was too much and she had left the place without her purse or shoes. Her feet were sore and broken from so much abuse but she kept on running as if a dark shadow was following her all the way to the house. Banging on the entrance she cried and shouted for someone to open up. Never in her life had she been so broken in spirit by something supernatural. Kouta had been waiting at the steps inside the house for her, so as soon as he heard her cries he dashed to open the gate. She fell into his arms, sobbing into his chest feeling a little safer now that the darker forces wouldn't hurt her. He looked upon her with shock and he began to caress her hair in a soothing manner.

"What happened?"

He pulled her away to look at her completely frightened expression. It was something very uncommon for her. Yuka was always so calm and sweet. This expression simply nagged at his heart. She was cold, pale, and her whole body shook. Yuka couldn't even utter words that made any sense. Much to his grief, he had no choice but to shake her harshly to return her to reality.

"Snap out of it!" he commanded.

"She... showed me... everything... my insides... I am rotten... I am terrible." she cried.

"Who?" he questioned, furrowing his brows, "What are you talking about?"

"I can't have children." she cried, falling to her knees.

"Did you go to see a doctor?" he asked, crouching before her, "Why are you barefoot?"

Yuku rocked herself back and forth, "I am a terrible person..."

"Would you stop saying that!" he said, "You're a great person..."

Yuka embraced him tightly. Now that she was with him, she saw things more clearly. The woman had showed her that she was dry and fruitless inside. The psychic had shown her that she would never have children. Once she had said she would make a bad mother because she was jealous of anyone that was near Kouta. The sentiment had been long lasting up until he had asked her to marry him. It was then that she desired to have as many children as possible with him, but her sinful thoughts of the past had taken payment. Even if she had not seen a doctor she was certain that she would never be able to give Kouta the children he so passionately desired.

"Will you take me even if I am a wreck?" she whispered.

"Yuka... I already told you... I will marry you." he repeated softly, "Why do you doubt this?"

"And you will never divorce me?" she sobbed, "No matter what happens?"

Kouta sighed, "Yes. I will never leave you."

The lesson had not been learned by Yuka. In her selfish love for Kouta she still desired him at the expense of his happiness. The threads of fate were beginning to move. Pieces were cut and pieces were mended together. The wind blew gently, whispering the promises of so many. Promises that would travel far over the land and that would become forgotten or broken.


	6. Unrealistic

**A/N: **-slaps forehead- An error in my AN last time-- yes, I have moved to Florida. And now I am established into my apartment. Still, I have been busy trying to find a job and in general trying to be a responsible person. I turned twenty yesterday, so I no longer can blame the teen years for my stupidities. Thanks to all those who reviewed and sent me such nice little messages via e-mail. It's a short chapter, but there really wasn't much else to extend on this one.

**You know the drill-- no edits have been made for grammar, spelling, etc as of May 18th 2006.**

**Chapter Six:** _Unrealistic_

Stormy skies hovered over the inn that was now Kouta's home. He sat at the steps of the entrance to the house, like he had done so many times before. At the very beginning he had taken the habit to sit there quietly, staring at the gate hoping with all his strength that Lucy would cross the space and walk back into his life. Every single day his swollen heart cracked little by little like a crystal exposed to fire; now in its place was a mess of glass that poked the walls of his soul to bleed in unreasonable longing. He knew she would never walk through this gates again, he knew this as well as he knew his own name. Still, there he sat and stared, half for lack of anything better to do...

_And half because this stupid hope will not die..._

Unrealistic day dreams would invade his mind. That the gentle breeze of the day would make him drowsy. He pictured himself resting his chin on his knees, enjoying the hope for what it was. Then a hand would caress his cheek and when his eyes opened they would meet ruby and his heart would be mended once more. A sad smile brushed his lips, as his his hands trembled with frustration. The cruelty of his mind never ceased to amaze him. There he was, feeling sorry for himself and thinking of another woman. A woman that was not Yuka; the one he planned to marry.

_Unrealistic dreams... because you'll never come back... and for that reason I am just as dead as you..._

Sure, his lungs breathed in the scent of wet earth, and his heart beat against his aching chest but the truth was he was dead. His spirit no longer gave his vessel warmth and his hands grew cold at the realization. Any moment, Yuka would come and yank him away from the only comforting thoughts he knew. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on the soft drilling sound of the rain and hoped with all his might that his moment was not broken by a love he did not want.

"Kouta..."

A voice. Soft, mellow, and with an uncharacteristic tone of understanding. His eyes opened reluctantly as he felt a body sit besides his own. It was warm and he wanted to draw closer to its selfless heat, but he was too numb to even move. A hand fell on his shoulder and the pain in his chest soared; high and high into the heavens as thunder echoed through the misty skies. This was not Yuka's heat... her aura sucked his life energy like a parasite. No. This hand was sympathetic and caring; just the thought of it caused him to whimper. It was a pathetic sound, in between the cry of an injured dog and a dying man.

"Kouta."

His eyes flew to meet those of Nana. The similar hue of ruby that he remembered of Lucy locked onto his own grayish-blue eyes and he felt the longing intensify. How she reminded him of her sometimes. Those innocent, almond-shaped eyes that brought back so many forgotten memories.

A shy smile greeted his pained gesture and Kouta's mind began to reel.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked, clearing his throat.

Her smile disappeared. "No. Not with me."

The statement was unexpected and Kouta slightly arched his brow questioningly, "Excuse me?"

Nana looked away, eyes falling on the gate, "I used to hope too."

Kouta's eyes followed Nana's and soon both stared at the gate, accepting the reality of the matter. A silent agreement that both knew how the other truly felt and that it would stay a mutual secret.

"Your hope is different." he said simply.

"Maybe." she laughed, but it was void of any real humor, "I wanted Papa to come back."

"And now you don't?"

Nana glanced at Kouta, "I love Papa. I always will... and I will never forget him." she admitted in a whisper, "But I no longer expect him to walk through the door... looking for me."

Kouta's eyes burned with unshed tears. How could a girl so young have accomplished what he could not even in his wildest dreams? His hands clenched into fists of controlled annoyance. "How..."

The statement was uncomplete, but Nana understood the sentiment perfectly. "I accept that he is no longer alive. I accept it and I... am at peace with this. He is now resting and not hurting anymore. I didn't want Papa to hurt."

_I cannot accept that she died. I... simply... will not accept it. I can't... if I do, I'll... lose my mind. I was willing to kiss away her pain and drown her sorrow in my love... I simply cannot let this hope die._

"Lucy..." Nana said, and her name made Kouta's heart skip a beat. It had been so long since anyone spoke the name aloud; even he had never said it after her disappearance.

"She died for our happiness... for our safety. It was her gift to us... to you. A life free from the chains of persecution. Why are you reluctant to accept the only thing she wanted to give to you? Is her sacrifice not worthless if you don't appreciate it?"

Kouta buried his face into his palms, reasoning with Nana's logic. He was ungrateful he knew. For not accepting the most selfless gift she could have given him. It hurt him so badly to be such a bad person; even with all of her sins Lucy was a much better being than he would ever be.

"Because I cannot rest knowing she... I never forgave her." he cried, "It was all she asked of me... for my forgiveness and I couldn't give her that. I don't deserve her sacrifice."

Nana stared at the man besides her in shocked silence. Never had Kouta expressed such emotions so vehemently. It was probably hard for someone to hold back such feelings; to always pretend that everything was well. Her hand reached out dubiously, as her fingers brushed through his hair. He was shaking and the image reminded her of herself.

"I'm sure that... if you feel it... if you tell her... wherever she is she'll know." she whispered.

His sobs became quiet upon hearing those words. If he told her with his heart then perhaps wherever her spirit was, she could know that he forgave her. But could he truly forgive her? He wanted to tell her so many things-- yet if he did that would truly be admitting to himself that she was dead and he just couldn't do that; not when every pore in his body believed that she would walk through that gate again.

"Nana... I prefer to feel this pain." he said, lifting his eyes to hers, "I prefer to feel this broken than to not feel anything at all. I refuse to believe she is no longer living... this keeps me alive. No matter how much it hurts."

It was a wonder that the episode between Kouta and Nana had not drawn Yuka out. It was an unrealistic event that he could have this moment of grief and show it with tears when he had never been allowed to mourn with all of his senses the death of his only love. How could he have lasted so long without breaking down this way? He deserved this moment; he needed it.

"Let it out." Nana said, continuing to caress his hair, "You can't hold those feelings in forever."

It was wise of Nana to speak such advice having lived her life holding her emotions in. She had been trained to keep her anger, her pain, herself-- inside. Never showing her weaknesses; but things had changed when she had lost her legs and limb. The final blow had been losing her precious Papa.

It was stupid to keep feelings inside and not show them; it took brave people to express these things, only cowards hid them.

The rain continued to fall and with it so did Kouta's tears of pain. The sight of him made Yuka's stomach turn upside down as she stared from the window. She was like a phantom, always watching and waiting. This time she kept her distance; wisely done since if she had jumped out, Kouta would have greeted her very harshly. In a sense she knew this deep down and decided to allow him this moment. He would probably regret it later and she'd be there when he realized how foolish his tears had been.

----------

_...Ten, eleven, twelve..._

She counted each rain drop slipping over the glass of the window. The hotel room was simple. Two twin-sized beds, a normal bathroom, a television and a minibar. They had a room on the twentieth floor and she watched the busy life and clutter of the city below with sad eyes. It had been three days since they had arrived to Japan. Staying in Tokyo was probably acceptable given the fact she never left the hotel room. Lately, she had begun to feel a weird sensation on her skull. The spot were her horns once were stung and pulsated, much to her displease. They would grow back, although it was still uncertain if her vectors would appear with them as well. With every bit of hope she prayed them to be gone forever. A hat could always hide the reality of her identity, but those vectors caused her nothing but misery.

Toji had been gone all morning. It was impossible to tell the time of day with the impertinant weather, but Lucy estimated that it was close to being evening. Partly because her stomach was growling, and partly because she always was good at telling time with her sixth sense. Her eyes continued to watch the droplets of rain roll down the window. The sky was also entitled to cry in her opinion and even if the weather depressed her, she was slightly comforted by it. A mix of emotions for sure, but Lucy never claimed she made any sense. During their three day stay, Toji had discovered that there was indeed a laboratory in Tokyo. Not that anyone would ever find out.

_It's underground. How convenient._

Away from the eyes of the public, no one could complain about what could not be seen. They had always worked in the shadows. Hiding behind very honorable sounding mission statements and proper press conferences that quite frankly omitted all of the true facts of their business. They were good at lying and manipulating; they were indeed very smart professionals. Toji had found out that it was indeed true; the laboratory had opened up a special breeding department. It had been lovingly given another name of course, but Lucy knew what sweet names really meant. It would make Japan a very strong country; to have such deadly beings at their command. However, they still failed to understand that diclonius' could only be trained to a certain degree.

_We have a mind of our own. We are intelligent and in the end we know how to make our own choices... you all are pathetic humans._

Five years. In five years the world would be converted into a wonderland of diclonius' and the only way to accomplish this community was to kill-- everyone. A smirk formed on Lucy's lips realizing how stupid these scientist were. _They don't understand that this dream means their own death. I would not have a second thought to eliminate them... what makes them think these new diclonius' will? Especially with how we are always treated..._

Humans always thought they could have their way through extensive psychological manipulation. Perhaps it worked within their own species, but again they did not comprehend that diclonius' did not think the same way. _We have no feelings._

She chuckled, allowing sarcasm to drip like a broken faucet. There stood a diclonius, claiming to have no feelings when her very heart ached with an overload of them. It was all denial. Denial that they shared in common such weaknesses with humans. For their nature claimed that emotions were flaws and it was difficult to admit they were just as flawed as humans. Lucy sighed. Yes, she had feelings. So many feelings that at times she felt confused. Yet everytime she pondered these thoughts a single name would be uttered, "Kouta..."

With her palms over the window, she closed her eyes allowing the coldness to seep through her skin and consume the heat the single thought of that man washed through her body. Why had she fallen in love with him? Why did her lips burn in longing everytime she shuddered with the memory of their kiss? She wanted that same fire to burn through her body, wanting so desprately for his lips to cover every square inch of her being. It had to be the stinging of the restraints she had placed on her desires since she had become a woman. For no man had ever touched her in that manner and each passing day her need to be loved intensified.

Knowing that Kouta was close by-- relatively-- only made the passion ignite further. How she wanted to see him. To hear him say he loved her again. To plead once more for his forgiveness. How she wanted to become weak and pathetic like a human! It was such an intense desire that she gasped as the feeling of need raptured her, causing her skin to tingle even under the artificial air of the air conditioner. The sensitivity drove her mad and she slapped her hands against the window. Over and over, as though the glass represented the door of passion she locked so many years in the past. Anger, frustration, desire, lust... so many emotions swirled her body in a flame of despair.

Only Kouta's hands, his words, his presence could act as the water to burn out the fire and to quench that thirst that would not fade away. She was selfish, yes, she knew, but right now she would not struggle against this interior storm.

"Lucy!"

Her hands stopped beating the window, as they slid down to a halt. She had been so absorbed in her frustrations that she had not heard the door open. It was Toji, but she did not want to face him now. Her eyes simply could not meet his.

"What are you doing?" he asked, jumping over the beds to stand behind her.

"Nothing." came her choked response.

"I'm surprised you didn't shatter the window." he said, staring over her shoulder at her reddened palms, "I don't believe you... what's going on?"

Where there was anger now there was just pain. A deep emptiness that caused tears to pool in her ruby eyes. Her hands turned to fist and she closed her eyes willing the tears into her sockets. She did not speak for she knew if she did her voice would crack.

"Lucy, please... I'm worried."

Willing her emotions silent, her voice came out stoic, "What have you found out?"

She would not confess her troubles and Toji sighed, sitting on the edge of the nearby bed. "A diclonius died, after giving birth." he said, "She will be the body I am going to steal."

"Will they not notice?" she asked, voice still void of emotion.

"I have my tricks." he assured, "However, we're going to have to make a small trip."

"Where to?"

"The same place where I found you."

Lucy's brow twitched, "Why..."

"There's a small clinic there. That's where they take the ones who die after childbirth..."

"I see."

"Is there a problem?" he asked cautiously.

She shook her head, "Why would there be?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. _You_ tell me."

"When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow." he sighed, "There's a festival that will start, so it will be perfect. Everything will be busy... and it'll buy us some time before they figure anything out. It will give me time to make an alibi."

Lucy knew precisely what festival was being held. After all it was the anniversary of the day that...

"I will begin to pack." she said.

Before she could move away, Toji held her wrist. He looked up at her empty eyes and allowed himself the brief moment to attempt to decipher what caused her such mood shifts. Lucy did not even blink, instead she returned the gaze-- intensified. Toji flipped her hand and placed two tablets on her palm.

"This will delay the growth."

Lucy's eyes fell to the pills, "Really?"

He nodded, looking away, "I understood you didn't want to come back to life... I might as well delay your unhappiness."

The tone in his voice almost moved her-- almost. This was a man who knew science and his nature was just like the rest of them. Toji didn't care about her, only what she was; his triumph. Lucy's hand closed around the tablets. "How long?"

"If you don't take them... by the end of the month... your horns will be full grown." he explained, "If you take them... it'll buy you two extra months. But you cannot take them for more that three weeks."

"What happens if I do?"

"The chemicals surpress the diclonius cells within your body causing them to regenerate at a retarded level." he said, "It takes these same cells some time to identify the chemicals but once they do they will attack it... even those that have begun to retard new cells and a mutation will take place."

"A mutation?" she arched one brow.

"Yes. Mutated diclonius cells grow rapidly and multiply... meaning you will grow more than a pair of horns and the chances of awakening more than four vectors exists." he looked at her, "In addition you will not be able to control the vectors... eventually they will establish a mechanism of their own. Anyone they do not sense with vectors will become a target... and the rest you can piece together."

"A very dangerous little pill, no?" she commented, "Where did you get this?"

"At the laboratory. They are using it..." he paused, "They are testing the reaches of this mutation."

"Ahhh, the curiosity of scientist never ceases to disgust me." she hissed, "I assume that this theory of mutation has been tested, otherwise you would not warn me against it."

"Correct." he admitted, "Subject 4058-A has confirmed this theory. She is confined and being studied."

"As I expected." she looked away, "They are not satisfied with breeding killers, but now they want to see if they can create automatic killers since they realize they cannot control us like puppets. Since commanding us has not worked, they make these mosters whose vectors will eliminate whatever is not a diclonius on its own."

She whipped around, glaring at Toji, "Are you suicidal? Do you not realize they will kill you all? What for do you want a world run over by my kind if you will **never** be able to see it? Tell me!"

Toji stood up, insulted by her blind accusations, "I never agreed to this."

"No?" she laughed, "Then why did you study this? Why did you research? **Why did you bring me back to life?** Was it not to prove your greatness?"

Toji had enough. He stood and held her by the shoulders and shook her, "Who the hell knows that I have revived a diclonius? Where are my awards and where is the awed press, Lucy?" he squeezed her shoulders, "Tell me where is my fame! Who knows of my greatness? Tell me!"

Lucy stared at him, surprised by his vivid display of emotions. It wasn't that she was afraid of him, she had just never expected him to react so strongly. "Let go of me." was all she could answer.

But he would not have it. His hands slipped to her waist, pulling her body against his. He felt so hot that Lucy pushed away, only to be embraced with a fiery strength. The sensitivity of her skin still remained and she cursed the goosebumps he caused. His left hand dug into her hair as he massaged the base of her neck. His eyes pleaded with her as he planted his lips upon hers and he impaled her mouth with his tongue. He was forceful, yet he tried to convey his feelings in the kiss she was reluctant to return. Her eyes wide open, she became frustrated as the man slipped his hands under her blouse caressing the skin that had never been touched before. With the violation came the strength to push him hard and as soon as the kiss broke away she kicked him back and onto the bed. They were both panting and flushed; Lucy from anger and Toji from lust.

Lucy's glare was unforgiving, "Never in your life..."

"I'm sory." he cut her off, "I don't know... what came over me."

"If you think that I am going to pay you for offering me your assistance-"

"No!" he exclaimed, "Please, don't even say it... I just..."

Silence filled the room for what seemed like an eternity before Toji spoke again, "I just... fell in love with you."

Lucy stared at him. The memory of how her own lips yearned for those of Kouta because she loved him with a burning passion returned to her. Could this man actually love her? Lucy shook her head.

_You're no different that the rest of them who have tried..._

"I'm going to take a shower." she stated, and rushed away into the bathroom, slamming the door shut.

Toji cringed. It had not been his intention to upset her. There had to be a reason why she did not want him the way he wanted her. The single thought broke him and made him angry all at once.

"I will find out what you hide Lucy... mark my words..." he whispered.

-------

Preview of what's to come:

The festival is around the corner, and Yuka wants to take Kouta along so that he could remember the day they had shared as children. Little does she know that Kouta has his memories back on that matter and that they come with the painful episode on his father's and sister's death.

Could it be that more memories of grief will be acquired that day? Especially when Toji drags Lucy along and she too is forced to face the anniversary of the day she lost Kouta forever.


End file.
